Al Stefanelli

by Dave the Sandman, guest columnist

First a little background. Till the age of 18 I attended what was, back in my day at least, a strict single sex Catholic school (Thornleigh Salesian College, Bolton, Lancs, UK).  Now back then you had to be a good practicing Catholic just to get in, I was taught almost exclusively by priests and lay brothers of the faith, and RE (Religious Education) was a set part of the standard curricula till you were 16 (I got a B at O Level in it…so much for the theologically ignorant atheist argument eh?). That doesn’t mean I was one of the faithful myself, as at 12 I worked out it was all contradictory claptrap, but as Shakespeare had Richard III say: “I can smile and murder whilst I smile”.

Anyways, on to the point. Now over in the USA , and increasingly in the UK, we hear the opinions touted that atheists like you and I have no moral basis for our actions – we are without faith, without grace, and moral relativists stuck in a wicked world of materialistic nihilism. Oh yeah?

In the Wacky Races rotating door world of the GOP primaries we have seen one sickeningly hate filled idiotic cross burner after another proudly tout their Holier Than Thou credentials and with teary eyes explain how their drive for wealth and fame and power is in fact divinely mandated. One after another these cretinous skinwastes have been exposed as liars, philanderers and immoral scum, and one by one they have been sidelined. This has resulted in the rise of Rick Santorum, gay hating family values bigot and all round know nothing closet racist plutocratic white bread retard.  He is flying his god credentials hard, and constantly referring to how Catholic and moral he is. So, lets compare this shabby Forest Gump warrior for Rome with me, the immoral nihilistic moral relativist and hellbound lapsed follower of Mother Church.

Rick, as evidence can prove, is arguably a fully blown Creationist. He tried unsuccessfully to get Creationism …sorry Intelligent Design…..rammed into US schools[1]. I on the other hand, being of a scientific and rationalist bent, and English, fully understand and support Evolution as the only explanation of how I now sit at a keyboard typing this rant. Mother Church, via the last two Popes writings and public addresses, supports and accepts Evolution, albeit in a deistic format.  So…that’s Sandman 1, Santorum 0.

Santorum, from what he has sad publically in the past, appears to be arguably a Biblical Literalist who believes the Old Testament is the word of God. I on the other hand, as I can read and I like to learn about history and cross culturalisation of mythologies, know for a fact that the Old Testament is all plagiarised from earlier cultures such as the Assyrians, and the rest is just propaganda written by scribes to the Jewish royal court to make themselves appear bigger and more important than they were. Mother Church via doctrine as taught at schools like the one I attended teaches that the Old Testament is largely, if not totally, allegorical. That’s Sandman 2, Santorum 0.

Being of a “small s socialist” bent, (I’m English so socialism is bred into us), I believe in things like a fair and reasonable distribution of wealth across societies is a good thing we should strive for. Santorum believes that raging income equality and a “dog eat dog / sod you if you fall behind” system is what is best[2]. Pope Benedict has publically decried income inequality between rich and poor, calling it a “scandal”. Score that Sandman 3, Santorum 0.

I also believe and fully support a strong and robust social welfare safety net including comprehensive state funded universal healthcare for all. Santorum on the other hand fully supports the Ryan Plan that would dismantle what little the US has in the way of public healthcare and welfare. He most recently spoke, which he now denies, that taking away welfare payments and food support from “blacks” would be a good thing. And Mother Church’s opinion and doctrine? Well, they say I’m right and Rick is wrong[3].  Sandman 4, Santorum 0

Having had some background in consumer rights regulation and monopolies investigations I know that market regulations, particularly in financial sectors, are not just desirable they are damn well essential protections for society’s wellbeing and benefit. Santorum on the other hand thinks and maintains that it is regulations and regulators who cause financial collapses and economic stagnation. Mother Church has stated publically as doctrine that market regulation is necessary to protect the public from financial malpractice[4]. So now that’s Sandman 5, Santorum 0.

Workers Rights and labour policy perhaps? As I’m English I believe in strong unions and was myself at one time a Union representative. Rick says that Unions should be abolished and is against any form of public sector pay negotiations by labour movements. Mother Church has been strongly pro-Union since Pope Leo issued the Rerum Novarum in 1891, and maintains that standpoint to this day via its Compendium of the Social Doctrine of the Church. Sandman 6, Santorum 0.

As I’m English and have an IQ larger than my shoe size I also understand Climate Change concerns and am persuaded by the 94% of scientists who think than anthropomorphic influence is a real thing and a glaring threat to our wellbeing. Santorum, being a brain dead US politician and paid for shill of the energy companies, says its all a bunch of bunk and a conspiracy by some evil cabal of mad scientists to attack the US industrial complex’s profit margins.  Mother Church? Ah, well Pope Benedict and his berobed staff agree with me and those scientists[5]. Sandman 7, Santorum 0.

Torture is an evil practice that degrades both the victim and the state that carries it out. It is of no value in terms of intelligence gathering, and has always failed to be an effective tool of state security. 5 minutes in a room with me and a pair of pliers and I can have you admitting it was you that shot JFK. I say that as a rationalist, as a history buff, and an ex-UK government intelligence analyst. Santorum has time and again spoken out supporting torture. Mother Church? Modern Catholic doctrine calls torture “an intrinsic evil”[6]. Sandman 8, Santorum 0.

Jesus Rick! Eye on the ball son! Swing the bat, hit the ball, run for base! Easy see. So, what are we left with?

Rick hates LGBT people and has compared them to paedophiles and bestiality freaks. I support and speak out for LGBT rights and making the word ALL in “Liberty And Justice For All” mean what it says. Mother Church rails against gays and condones/conceals the actions of kiddy fiddling men in black. Score 1 for Rick. Mother Church abhors abortion rights for women, and equally abhors any form of contraception. Rick is fully on board with that. I am most certainly not. Score another for the Rickster.

But hang on! The score at the end of the match is still Sandman 8, Santorum 2. Holy crapballs Rick! That means not only am I a better Catholic than you, I appear to also be Holier Than Thou!

And far be it for me to do this Rickky, but must I really remind you about old Mother Church’s carved in stone principles of Magisterium and Papal Infallibility?

You see Rickky you cardboard Catholic not only am I, an anti-theist positive atheist, a better Catholic than you….. you my pedigree chum are a HERETIC!